Is This Guy Serious?

Some of our younger readers might not remember today’s “Douchebag of the Hour” contestant. Amy Fisher Fisher, 33, gained notoriety as a teenager in 1992 when an affair with Joey Buttafuocco ended with a tragic shooting of his wife, leaving her paralyzed. After being sentenced to 15 years in prizon, Amy Fisher ended up serving only 7 years and has been talked about in the media for various reasons since.

Today’s article though is to bring to light the fact that Amy Fisher has now made arrangements to promote a sex tape made with her husband. Sources have released that Fisher will accept an undisclosed amount of money for the tape, released by her husband during an acrimonious time during their marriage, and will also make a promotional new york club appearance. I guess I don’t know who is worse here - the people who buy the tape, the production company releasing it, or the teenage attempted-murderer who will profit from releasing a tape of her getting screwed. Either way, something’s not right.

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Is it just me, or is Dr. Phil really the answer to a question that nobody asked? Any time a ridiculous celebrity is in the news for something stupid (i.e Matthew Mcconaughey, That whore from American Idol, Britney Spears) Dr. Phil is there butting in and providing the two cents that nobody asked for or cares about. I’ll be the first to admit that I just genuinely dislike him, which is the main reason for my calling him out as a douchebag, but I can’t help but ask “Is this guy serious?” every time I see his name coming up in the news.

I suppose that you have to give him some sort of props. The guy is a millionaire because he spouts common sense on Oprah and managed to get himself a t.v. show, but all he does is butt in, and say stupid things. It’s no mystery that if your husband watches porn and you don’t like it that all you have to do is talk to him, or have sex with him more. Why does Dr. Phil get paid millions of dollars to tell people stuff like this? The thing with Britney is pretty obvious as well - She’s “out in the field, window-licking crazy,” which nobody is going to dispute. Dr. Phil though gets his name in the news for saying “Britney needs help.” Gee thanks Dr. I’m glad you’ve got so much to say.

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 I almost feel like it’s beating a dead horse to write about Britney Spears, but I just cannot get over the fact that she is spiraling further and further into the inevitable abyss she’ll end up in before eventually taking her own life. Really, how far can she possibly fall? In a whirlwind of events last week police were called to intervene at Britney’s house when she refused to relinquish custody of her children when Kevin Federline attempted to pick them up. Britney was taken to the hospital by ambulance where she was held for observation, and because she was reportedly under the influence of something that police declined to comment on.

After all of this happened, K-Fed’s attorneys were in court bright and early the next morning fighting to have Britney’s limited custody taken away so that she could not see her children at all. Awkwardly enough, Britney’s own attorneys (who filed a motion to be released as counsel) were there to fight it, but lost the battle. Good old Dr. Phil (post on him coming next) was there with Britney and as the attention whore that he is released comments to the media talking about how badly Britney needed help. After this confluence events I think it’s pretty safe to say that Britney has hit rock bottom. Next step? Suicide.

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I know it’s early, but in watching the debates from New Hampshire tonight I found it impossible to get past the fact that Rudy Giuliani just said we have the best healthcare system in the world. He didn’t say the best healthcare, or the best doctors, or the best medicine - he said the best healthcare system. I understand it’s still early in the debates, but what kind of douchebag is going to say that our healthcare system is the best?

We have millions of people without insurance, people who can’t afford the insurance they have, people who can’t get care, pharmaceutical companies making billions, and dozens of other fatal flaws in our system. The fact that somebody who expects to become president of the United States could possibly use the words “best”, or even “good” when talking about the healthcare system in the united states is reprehensible. Is somebody going to man up and work to fix this problem?

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By now everybody knows that Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab…a lot. You probably also know that she “Fell off the wagon” on New Years, and was photographed chain-smoking and drinking champagne in public. Now generally it’s no big deal when a celebrity who is supposed to be a role-model is caught drinking and smoking knowing that there will be pictures taken, and they’ll be plastered all over the news and any other media publication that you can imagine. What strikes me the most is that recent pictures of Lohan show her with a stop-smoking aid that she had been paid to promote, though she had no problem smoking like a chimney on New Years.

Lohan’s lawyers released statements talking about how unfortunate it was that she had “fallen off the wagon”, but fell back on the old ‘everybody’s human’ argument and claimed that it was a one time thing, and that’s how people learn. While I totally understand this argument, it seems really odd to me that somebody so heavily embedded in the public eye wouldn’t have the common sense just to stay home and drink, or go to a friends where she wouldn’t be photographed. Is it really that difficult? Seriously, it’s obvious that her fans mean nothing to her, but a little bit of common sense would go a long way for her!

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Britney Spears has been called a lot of things in recent years, with trainwreck being the new buzzword surrounding the once-famous bubblegum popstar. Younger sister Jamie Lynn, on the other hand, has managed to keep out of the public eye for the most part when it comes to scandal. A 16 year old teen star on the Nickelodeon network now, Jamie Lynn Spears has recently announced that she was pregnant! (In a shocking move, mom Lynn Spears delayed the publishing of her book on parenting!)

Now the reason this falls under the “Is This Guy Serious?” umbrella, is because Jamie Lynn Spears has a shining example of exactly how not to lead your life, but for some reason it looks like Jamie Lynn is trying to do exactly what her big sister did, just a bit sooner. Maybe she felt like there were no expectations of her, or that she couldn’t possibly end up being more of a screwup than Britney, but given the drama surrounding the family in it’s entirety this doesn’t seem like good news. It’s not like it’s incredibly uncommon for a 16 year old to get pregnant, but when you and your family are under heavy scrutiny all the time it seems like it would be a bit easier to make the decision to have save sex. I guess that’s just me though…

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Let me preface this mild rant by stating I have young daughter. Unless you have a young girl you’re close to, you may not have the same visceral reaction I did when I read this news story about a heavy metal rocker who used his music as a way to ingratiate himself with young girls.

Randall Shesto II was convicted, for the SECOND time, of having sex with a 15 year old girl. I was astonished when I found he will only have to serve one month behind bars, then 5 years of probation. The judge also told Shesto that he cannot play in a band in public for the length of his probation. No doubt the judge thought that taking away Shesto’s music was a stroke of genius; in my humble opinion Shesto should be castrated by both fathers of young girls he was with, then drawn and quartered using four Harleys ridden by the girls’ parents. Just an opinion though.

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HE WHAT??? Yes I’m aware of the outlandishness of my subject line, but I have to call them like I see them. I just found out that Mike Huckabee actually advocated paroling a rapist. Aside from the fact that this guy, Wayne DuMond, was a RAPIST, and on that one fact alone Huckabee should have never even gotten involved; if you have aspirations to compete on the national level in the Republican party, you can not be advocating the release of a man that forces himself on women.

After DuMond was released, with in a year, he is arrested for raping and Murdering another girl. This is the part that really pisses me off. Huckabee says, “There’s nothing any of us could ever do, None of us could’ve predicted what he could’ve done when he got out.” I could’ve predicted that the guy would probably RAPE SOMEONE. I certainly don’t want this kind of judgment in my White House!

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In recent news in the world of “people you forgot existed”,  talk-show host Montel Williams is spending his time apologizing for comments made on Friday to a high school student. In Savannah to promote a program that provides free prescription drugs to poor people, Williams ended an interview abruptly because he didn’t like a question that was asked regarding whether or not pharmaceutical companies would continue to do the work they are doing if their profit was cut in to.

Returning to the hotel where Williams was staying, Savannah Morning-News reporters were confronted by Williams. His target - Courtney Scott, a high school student who is an intern with the Savannah Morning-News. Witnesses report that Williams and a body guard approached the student, screaming “Don’t look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I’m a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up.” Williams apologized, saying that he thought the reporters returned because of the comments he made initially when he cancelled the interview. When I saw this, I couldn’t help but wonder - Montel Williams is still alive?

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In a shocking Kanye West Move, Jesse Jackson is claiming that an influential group of people don’t care about the black folk. The group in question? Democratic Presidential candidates (Barak Obama included, only John Edwards excluded.) In the Chicago Sun-Times Op Ed section today,  The Rev. registered his concerns publicly, indicating that the democratic presidential candidates did not care about the plight of the black man, and were paying no attention to issues that affected them.

Now I’m no politician (yet), but it would seem to me that the idea behind governing a nation like the United States is that all people are created equal. By perpetuating the idea that we need to pay special attention to “the plight of the blak man”, we’re essentially writing a blank check to a large demographic and teling them “It’s okay, screw up all you want.  Nobody expects anything from you.” Maybe if we didn’t hold our citizens to different standards, there wouldn’t be discrepancies. By championing the need for specific programs and legislation aimed at one group, we are letting them off the hook.

When it comes right down to it, a black student with average grades has a better chance getting into most universities than a white student with perfect marks, and has a much great chance at getting scholarships to pay for their entire education. We can’t be parents to screw-up kids, and we can’t be safety nets for screwup parents. I’m all for legislation that gives people equal opportunities if there are legitimate precedences for not providing equal opportunities, but that’s not the kind of stuff that Jesse Jackson is championing, he wants the government to fix black people’s problems. Short answer? No.

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